The Why’s and How’s of Building Emotional Intelligence – Part 1

The first thing that must be said about Emotional Intelligence or “EQ” is that it is hugely important. In fact, researchers say that children’s scores on EQ tests are far better predictors of future success than their IQ scores. One explanation for this is most certainly that people who are emotionally well adjusted will naturally be more respected by others. They will also be more popular and it will be easier for people to trust them and feel safe around them.

What does EQ entail?

Practically speaking, someone with well-developed emotional intelligence can self-regulate on an emotional level, as well as on a behavioural level.

Emotionally, someone with a high EQ is aware of his own feelings and able to manage them. In other words, he can calm himself when he’s upset and cheer himself up when he’s down.

But it doesn’t stop there. He is also able to stop and choose to act in ways that are in his long-term best interest and in line with his own deepest values, instead of acting impulsively and giving in to his feelings without thinking. This makes it easier for him to function effectively in the face of failure, frustration, and disappointment which means that he is resilient.

What’s more, he can extend the ability to read and manage his own emotions to reading and managing emotions in other people.

Why do some people feel more at ease with their feelings than others?

People who have well developed EQ skills, generally have a large emotional vocabulary that they have typically developed during their childhood.

They don’t always stop to examine what they’re feeling in the moment, for reflecting on one’s own feelings can sometimes change the feeling and ruin the moment. But, when a situation calls for it, they can accurately pin down what they’re feeling by naming or at least categorizing the feeling. And then, owning the feeling makes it easier for them to manage it instead of blindly giving in to it.